Rector's Reflection—4 Pentecost, Proper 7
June 20, 2010

A little levity before plunging back into forgiveness...

"Why do you keep on bringing up my past mistakes?" said the husband. "I thought you'd forgiven and forgotten."

"I have, indeed, forgiven and forgotten," said his wife. "But I want to make sure you don't forget that I've forgiven and forgotten."

I have had some good conversations over this past week about last Sunday's homily about forgiveness. There are topics that resonate with some folks and leave others asking 'what has this to do with me?', but I am willing to bet that there is not a single person reading this... or a single person known by the person reading this... who has not wrestled with either the concept of forgiveness or the act of forgiveness or both.

There are two things that cannot be missed, avoided, argued away (or treated with that old 'that was then, this is now' nonsense) in the New Testament: love and forgiveness. Actually, it is hard to tell where one ends and the other begins. They are more like two sides of the Christian coin. In fact, it is impossible to look at the cross and not see ultimate love and ultimate forgiveness that we cannot duplicate... but that we—to the best of our human ability—are called to practice.

"But it is so hard." Indeed it is. It is hard because it is counter-intuitive, especially in a culture where holding a grudge could be an Olympic event. It is hard because, at least in some peoples' eyes, the act of forgiveness makes you look weak or stupid or even cowardly. But true forgiveness is a very brave thing. I'm not talking about the "I forgive you for inadvertently stepping on my toes" kind of forgiveness. I'm talking about the "I forgive you for deliberately and with malice aforethought stomping on my toes" kind of forgiveness that lets you get on with your own healing, all the while recognizing that no one expects you to put your toes in that situation again.

I think it is important to look at forgiveness as a process. Forgiveness, which is hard enough on its own, is exacerbated by the idea that it must be immediate and final. Christian forgiveness is not rooted in naivete or denial. Offenses must be named... even embraced. In the same way that you ask God to forgive your own sins, you must ask God for the strength to forgive "those who have trespassed against us." Maybe some folks are strong enough to jump right in, but just as with weight-lifting, if you aren't practiced at it, you have to build your strength over time and with lots of hard prayer—oops, I mean work.

And although I haven't ever run this by eminent theologians (which wouldn't matter because they wouldn't change my mind), just as Holy Eucharist is a repeatable sacrament, many times forgiveness for the same event has to be repeated. You think that an incident is behind you and then, one day, something opens an old wound... and you have to start over again. What is important to remember is that God doesn't expect us to do anything that He hasn't already modeled. Just like the first time you had to deal with it, God is with you in the process. Just ask Him.

Susan+